As I am still regaining feeling in my right hand from the torture enacted on me during my Studies of Shakespeare final exam, I have some time to reflect at the time at hand (so clever…). I don’t know whether to be relieved or upset that this week is coming to an end. During this week, as my friends were struggling to pull all-nighters and take exam after exam on subjects I cannot begin to imagine taking (from Econ to Chemistry to Engineering-based classes), I have been breezing by as all of my finals have been papers, projects and take homes except the one written exam I had today…as aforementioned, my hand. Props of being an English major. Well a double English/Spanish major.
Rather than finishing my Spanish take-home final, which is due tomorrow morning, which is left with if clauses and a 350 word composition…I find myself transfixed by the concept of my junior year at LSU coming to a close. When I embark on my adventurous study abroad journey in the Spring, I know that I will miss all of the times with my family and friends, from the smallest moments of talking to each other to the biggest shared pain of studying for finals. I am thankful for the people in my life that make such torture precious, and I know that I will long for these moments soon.
Not only will I be faced with a completely different culture, I will attempt to further my studies in Spanish, both by taking all spanish classes to speaking spanish with people I meet, and whomever I live with…still trying to figure that out. The process of studying abroad is so much more tedious and painful that anyone lets on. You want to study abroad? Expose yourself to a different culture? Learn a different language? Change your life forever. Great! Now fill out ALL of these forms, figure out insurance, where you are going to live from residential halls and apartment to shared flats to a host family ( whatever you want of course), your class schedule, buy your plan ticket, worry about over packing, being home sick, and experiencing culture shock! Oh thanks…
I know that this will be a life-changing experience. It’s what I want. I would never want to feel ungrateful for the opportunity nor ignorant to benefits that will come with it. However, it seems like I want to mentally prepare myself for this trip as much as I can, which rationally means that I should totally psych myself out before I go so I don’t do it there. Totally makes sense. The walls are closing in, holding these moments close, realizing they are the last ones before I go. I am stuck in between a world of excitement and anxiety. Even though I know that this is a self-excursion, I didn’t realize how many people would ask me, “If you’re freaking out so much, why are going?” “Well then, why are you going?” And it is at moments like those that provide clarity. As they ask me, I ask myself and remind myself exactly why I chose to go…
Breathe. That’s what I need to do and often forget to do. I apologize to everyone I have affected in my mad and back-and-forth, emotional way of processing. As this week closes, I say goodbye to friends that I won’t see in a while, but I also have time to appreciate all I have before I throw myself into Spain. I have time to study my spanish…hopefully, I will actually hold myself to that. I have time to prepare. And, I have time to do appreciate all the moments I have. By the the end of winter break, and the time to go onto that plane, I hope that I keep all of this mind and realize I should be so ecstatic!
Even though I want to continue writing, the urgency of my last take-home final, as well as the concept of food, has drawn me back to reality. It’s time to complete sentences like…”Si pudieramos hablar con el Presidente Obama….” or, “Habriamos podido estudiar mas”. En verdad, es demaisado divertida,
No puedo hablar cosas como No se si vaya o no…porque cosas las pasan por una razon y quiero ir a Espana! A veces, solo necesito recordarme. Adios y hasta luego. No puedo esperar por mi viaje y experiencia de estudiar en el extranjero. Escribire on mi blog nuevo cuando llevar en Espana y poder tomar fotos y otras cosas.
The Pensieve 